Let the memory live again...

I am going to regret not laying in bed and forcing myself to sleep but oh well.

Friday, my mom took the cats to the vet and had them put down. I'm not as heartless as my previous post stated because I'm pretty sad, I loved my Paula cat, a lot. I completely understand the putting down part because she wasn't comfortable; I'm just sad it had to occur in the first place. She was my cat, she loved me and pretty much only me. It's times like now, when I miss her the most because she'd be chilling by my side.

I feel kinda silly because she's a cat but come on, ones pet is often times loved more then people. At least, I loved my cat more then a lot of people I know. Animals love you unconditionally.

I think it hits a nerve because the cats were around when Bob was and Evan. It's just another "in my face reminder," that I've lost so many things that were important.

I miss my brother. I hate that this happened. It's been a little over 5 years, I don't know how I am going to go the rest of my life without him in it. July 9th would have been his 34th birthday. I miss him.

I have so much on plate, I sometimes can't see straight. Work is insane. I have a bazillion things to do, #1 labels followed by art designs, promos, paperwork, organizing, returning phone calls, following up on emails, photos... more shit I can't remember it all. I'm also now, assisting in sales.

On top of that, the former "F head" partners won't go away. Isn't it enough that they stole over a million dollars from us, tired to steal the plant, sold all the shit they could but now they are suing us. Our legal system is a crock of shit! The fact that people like this exist IS what is wrong with the world today.

Back to my plate...

I taught myself Adobe but I want "official" schooling so I can use "correct" terminology and the "correct, step by step," procedures. There's two, two week classes for 1,000 hours I signed up for, they start in August. Yay.

The cat issue, work being insane, classes, the BS with Jeremy... There is just not enough time in the day.

We had a small cookout with an insane amount of fireworks on the 4th. It was one of the best parties we've ever had! I spent most of the party with my girl Pammy.

I don't think I'm a very good friend. I don't think I ever have been and that's why I have so few. I don't like talking on the phone and I don't try to connect or stay connected with people. I never really express my thoughts, I typically express what I think people want to hear... I don't know if that's true or what that means. It's late, forgive my nonsense.

I've only been close to one person, on a friend level, Evan. He's on my mind because Pammy and I were talking about our first kiss. He was mine. Nothing can beat this; New Years Eve 2000-2001, 12:01am in Annapolis under fireworks. It was one for the storybooks.

I'm leaving ya with a picture of Paula, I miss her.

This post is all over the place but so am I.

Not feeling so Friskie

I'm pretty sure we are putting the cats down today. Depressing right? They both have been getting sick lately. Paula is a diabetic, not cleaning herself, losing weight and now is having accidents. Ali has lost so much weight and both their qualities of life are miserable. My mom and I agree to put them down together because we got them together, they've always been together and both of them are in declining health. I brought this up because of a discussion Jeremy and I had the other day...

He said he doesn't want his negative personality to rub off on me, but it is. I feel like I am becoming a "hard" person. I'm not as sympathetic as I used to be, nor do I really care about many things or many people.

I am sad about the cats but unlike in the past, I'm not crying and I just feel like, "it is what it is."

I love my family more then anything. I would walk through fire and back for them. I have a handful (and when I say handful, I mean a very few) of good friends. I love the business and that's about it. So the below comment excludes the mentioned above.

I have been burnt and lost a lot of close relationships in my life. I truly feel like I would just prefer to be alone. I don't really like talking to people anymore; really, listening to other people bitch. I have my own shit going on and don't feel like being bothered by someone else's nonsense. On top of that, I don't feel like telling anyone about my life. It's none of your business.

I woke up in such a good mood but thanks to captain asshole, that changed.

Such is life.

C'est la vie

This post is going to be a bit all over the place because that is how I am feeling today...

I have a doctors appointment in a bit. I have had an earache and sore throat for about a week now. I absolutely do not want to be sick for Cedar Point so I am going to the doctor, which I hate!

Jerms, Dave, Brandi and I are going to Cedar Point, Cleveland Zoo, Rock & Roll Hall of Fame... you could say a long road trip. I am so so excited!!!

Yesterday I made some bomb ass banana bread! It's so good! (I'm eating a piece now)

I've decided to start my own company. I suppose you can say that desire runs in my family. I'll tell you more as details unfold!

I love my Lucy so much (she just walked over and is now chilling on my lap.)

I really want a vacation... a life vacation. It would be so awesome to win the lottery. :)

Alrighty my throat hurts, I have shit to do and places to go. Blah

It's kinda funny now...

Yesterday I was waiting for Jeremy to come pick me up at the house, so we could drive to the plant. My mom was upstairs and I was on the middle floor. (Note, Lucy can go up stairs but not down.) All of a sudden I heard all this ruckus and banging down the stairs; followed by my mom yell "PAULA," then sorta yell/pleading voice "LUCY." My heart sank because it was Lucy falling down the steps. Well I bolted to the steps as she rolled on the landing pad and as Paula took off running, from behind her. I immediately scooped her into my arms and held her. She was sooo scared!

Well the conclusion was Lucy went to sniff Paula and Paula pushed her down the steps!

Can't we all just get along?

Seasons Change, People Change

I haven't written a blog in forever, I have drafted them but deleted them instead of posting. I got too personal. (Goodness, I never know what to write, seeing that I just deleted like 4 paragraphs and am again starting fresh... wonder if this will get posted.)

This weekend was busy and I have been looking forward to it for awhile. Jason and Melissa got married on Saturday in Hagerstown. This may come as a shock but I'm not a fan of Weddings... but this one was really beautiful and it was so cute how they looked at each other and were a bit goofy during the ceremony. They are perfect for each other. 

Of course, I drank wayyy too much because I was a bit upset (like Alcohol is ever the right combo with being upset.) I feel that I will never get married (nor do I want to, anymore.) I didn't even get up to catch the bouquet. So yeah, "that shitty attitude" and too much wine= a meltdown. Thank god I did it in my car and only a select handful saw me. 

Anyways, that was a mess but Sunday we drove home (everyone stayed at a hotel.) We stopped at Nino Taco, off 695. That used to be where I would meet Jeremy during his lunch and my school break. We came home and went on the boat all day. It was beautiful! Lucy went swimming for the second time. She loved it but she has been so bad lately! She no longer listens to the command; Lucy Come (as if she really ever did.) She runs like a little beast into my neighbors yard and the one next to theirs. Then she wants to play the "chase me" game. I want to beat her little ass sometimes. Grrr... but I can't be mad at her as she is sound asleep right next to me. I love her.

Welp, Time for sleep! Plant tomorrow.

OHHHH PS, we were of course late for the ceremony because I am late for everything! Who knew it took 1hr30mins to get to Hagerstown?? Well it didn't really take that long, Jeremy drove triple digits (in my car) while I shit my dress (can't say pants cause I wore a dress,duh.) He cut 29 minutes off our commute and we walked in at 3:05, the wedding started at 3. We caught up to a red XLR (sexy ass car) half way there that happened to be a Wedding guest also running late. We stuck together on the road the whole time, made for a nice conversation piece. :)