Let the memory live again...

I am going to regret not laying in bed and forcing myself to sleep but oh well.

Friday, my mom took the cats to the vet and had them put down. I'm not as heartless as my previous post stated because I'm pretty sad, I loved my Paula cat, a lot. I completely understand the putting down part because she wasn't comfortable; I'm just sad it had to occur in the first place. She was my cat, she loved me and pretty much only me. It's times like now, when I miss her the most because she'd be chilling by my side.

I feel kinda silly because she's a cat but come on, ones pet is often times loved more then people. At least, I loved my cat more then a lot of people I know. Animals love you unconditionally.

I think it hits a nerve because the cats were around when Bob was and Evan. It's just another "in my face reminder," that I've lost so many things that were important.

I miss my brother. I hate that this happened. It's been a little over 5 years, I don't know how I am going to go the rest of my life without him in it. July 9th would have been his 34th birthday. I miss him.

I have so much on plate, I sometimes can't see straight. Work is insane. I have a bazillion things to do, #1 labels followed by art designs, promos, paperwork, organizing, returning phone calls, following up on emails, photos... more shit I can't remember it all. I'm also now, assisting in sales.

On top of that, the former "F head" partners won't go away. Isn't it enough that they stole over a million dollars from us, tired to steal the plant, sold all the shit they could but now they are suing us. Our legal system is a crock of shit! The fact that people like this exist IS what is wrong with the world today.

Back to my plate...

I taught myself Adobe but I want "official" schooling so I can use "correct" terminology and the "correct, step by step," procedures. There's two, two week classes for 1,000 hours I signed up for, they start in August. Yay.

The cat issue, work being insane, classes, the BS with Jeremy... There is just not enough time in the day.

We had a small cookout with an insane amount of fireworks on the 4th. It was one of the best parties we've ever had! I spent most of the party with my girl Pammy.

I don't think I'm a very good friend. I don't think I ever have been and that's why I have so few. I don't like talking on the phone and I don't try to connect or stay connected with people. I never really express my thoughts, I typically express what I think people want to hear... I don't know if that's true or what that means. It's late, forgive my nonsense.

I've only been close to one person, on a friend level, Evan. He's on my mind because Pammy and I were talking about our first kiss. He was mine. Nothing can beat this; New Years Eve 2000-2001, 12:01am in Annapolis under fireworks. It was one for the storybooks.

I'm leaving ya with a picture of Paula, I miss her.

This post is all over the place but so am I.